Talk:Seddie/@comment-3247345-20140522003355/@comment-14284535-20140522014903

Free advice from the oldest of the old farts here.

Don't do something stupid. Do something resolute that you know you should do or should try to do that could really break you out of the rut. Because you are thinking of this, I suggest seeing a therapist to find out if you have something like clinical depression. (Someone should tell Jennette that.  She looks like she is trying to improve her mood artificially with all the clothing and selfies.)

When I decided that I was sick of living in the bubble that came from being too deep in SF fandom, I didn't do something stupid because I knew I would regret it. I just asked myself what was missing, why I had missed out on what I wanted, and what I could do to change my behaviour. The idea is to make concrete in your mind what you want to get done and what you want to change in your life.

The problem is that you are escaping a rut where the behaviours that got you there probably have served you fairly well over the years. Moreover, you are doing things that you have never done before or rejected as options in the past for whatever reason. You will probably be uncomfortable. You might even be frightened. But you need to change something.

I also want this to be crystal clear: you may really upset some people you know. You have to ask yourself how important their opinion is of whatever change you make. For me, it was changing how I worked and to stop going to SF conventions. I also resolved to work and act like a grinder who did all the dirty work that needed to get done than rely on any talent I had with anything to get me by - I insisted on having better work habits.

I found that once you do it once, it is easier to tweak yourself in future. I am fundamentally the same person, but I have learnt to tweak what I do and how I do things every time something goes wrong - and to reinforce good things when something goes right. I still don't take enough risks and haven't learnt to fail well at all because I just don't accept it.

http://www.booktv.org/Watch/15442/The+Up+Side+of+Down+Why+Failing+Well+Is+the+Key+to+Success.aspx

I have all sorts of issues that I may never get over. But at least, I am mentally tougher and have the determination to face up to obstacles whenever I encounter them - unlike the talented floaters that I tried to emulate when I was in fandom. I traded away an easier life where I could have coasted as an excellent but lazy math teacher (because it's so easy for me to do so) for more grit at a job I have a lot less skill at and have negligible talent.