User blog:The Sam Puckett/iCarly Abridged Episode 3!!!!!

'''Disclaimer: Raise your hands if you think I have the millions of dollars to own iCarly, despite me writing fanfiction. Noone? Thought so. J'''

iCarly The Abridged Series Episode Three: iAm The Gibby!

[OPENING SCENE: SAM IS EATING BREAKFAST WHEN CARLY WALKS IN ON HER]

CARLY:

Sam, what’re you doing?

SAM:

(THINKING)

Looking at my future wife?

(SAYS)

Eating.

CARLY:

You know if you stayed longer-BACON!!!

SAM:     

(THINKING)

Gets ‘em every time.

[FREDDIE ENTERS THE CLASSROOM]

FREDDIE:

(TO CARLY)

Megan.

CARLY:

(TO FREDDIE)

Freddie.

FREDDIE:

(TO SAM)

Monster.

'''SAM: (TO FREDDIE)'''

Split personality.

MISS BRIGGS:

Sit down! Gibby’s in class today and- why does it smell like a gym in here?

[CARLY AND SAM EXCHANGE GUILTY LOOKS]

[MISS BRIGGS LOOKS OVER TO CARLY, EXPECTANTLY]

CARLY:

At least it wasn’t in cl-?

MISS BRIGGS:

Enough!

[FEARFUL, SAM DUMPS ALL OF HER FOOD INTO 

SAM:

There! All finished!

FREDDIE:

You know what I’d call you if I could…

MISS BRIGGS:

Well today, as always, I’m going to torture you with bagpipes…!

GIBBY:

(VOICED BY ISAIAH MUSTAFA, THE OLD SPICE MAN)

Hello, I’m here…

MISS BRIGGS:

Hush, minor character!

GIBBY:

(THINKING)

My pink shirt is still on…

MISS BRIGGS:

Since I hate you all, I’m forcing you to listen to this horrible music until you cry. And if you make loud noises, I’ll fail you! Everybody okay with that?

GIBBY:

I’m wearing plaid-!

MISS BRIGGS:

Ew, no! Like I was saying, I met this man who ravished me with his kilt and dancing, and I HAD to show my future husband to you! So here he is!

[GUY COMES IN]

CARLY:

Yeah, you bring in your boyfriend and tell me I can’t have-

[MUSIC PLAYS, CUTTING CARLY OFF, WHILE THE MAN DANCES]

SAM:

Your skirt’s laaame!

[THE CLASS BOOS AND MISS BRIGGS CUTS OFF THE MUSIC]

MISS BRIGGS:

Shut up! Who the (insert elephant noise here)said that? Raise your (insert retching noise here) hand!

SAM:

Gibby.

[MISS BRIGGS LOOKS TO GIBBY]

GIBBY:

No way, Sam started this!

(TO SAM)

You just wait until Season 3!

MISS BRIGGS:

Detention! And failure!

SAM:

Psh,your boyfriend’s gay anyways.

[CARLY LOOKS OVER TO SAM, IN A WARNING MANNER]

MISS BRIGGS:

Don’t listen to her. Continue, please!

[THE CLASS BOOS AGAIN]

MISS BRIGGS:

F’s then?

'''[THE CLASS ERUPTS IN FAKE CHEERS, WHILE THE MAN STARTS TO DANCE. IN FEAR AND AWE, SAM PULLS OUT TWO SLICES OF BACON AND PASSES ONE TO CARLY.]'''

CARLY:

(THINKING)

Wow Sam, your gaydar is really accurate!

[CUE “FRIENDS” THEME SONG]

[CUT TO CARLY AND SAM WALKING THROUGH THE HALLWAY OF HER APARTMENT]

SAM:

Thanks for coming home with me. I know you don’t approve of my mom, but I appreciate that you pretend.

CARLY:

It’s what I do.

SAM:

Wait, you didn’t smell the alcohol-?

CARLY:

I’m the nice Mary Sue! But yeah, she really reeked. You gotta talk to her about that.

[FREDDIE EXITS HIS APARTMENT]

CARLY:

Hey, peeper, I just got here for your normal stalk. Bye now!

FREDDIE:

The doctor says my backpack didn’t make it! Sam, you go apologize to it, or I’ll tell everyone-

SAM:

I want in your pants. There.

CARLY:

Sam, Freddie want some awful tea while we make the plot?

FREDDIE:

Yes!

SAM:

Yes, honey.

CARLY:

So, I hate that you got detention again, Sam.

FREDDIE:

She deserved it!

SAM:

I wish you were bad, detention’s so boring without you…

CARLY:

(PASSING SAM A CUP)

Drink.

SAM:

Will do. Look at how she gave me a lemon before you, Freddie! It’s love…

FREDDIE:

Shut up, blondie!

SAM: Wanna say that again?

FREDDIE:

That’s why I drunk texted your mom! Last night!

SAM:

That was me. On your phone!

FREDDIE:

(QUICKLY)

Say wha-?

No wonder mom is worried…

(THINKING)

Must… wash… evidence…

SAM:

So, what’re we gonna dance in this episode?

FREDDIE:

I only dance for pay.

[SAM TAKES FREDDIE’S STRAW AND STICKS IT IN HERE EAR WITHOUT HIM REALIZING THIS]

CARLY:

Nah, I think we should just let people embarrass themselves and send it in to us!

FREDDIE:

Long as it’s not me!

SAM:

Duh yeah!

FREDDIE:

(LOOKING DOWN)

My bendy straw…?

SAM:

Ah, got the pimple.

(DROPS STRAW IN HIS GLASS)

[CUT TO THE TRIO STARTING ICARLY]

FREDDIE:

In five, four, three, two, uhh what comes after-

CARLY:

I’m Carly!

SAM:

I’m Sam.

CARLY:

We make out-

SAM:

With ham-

CARLY:

Sometimes boys-

SAM:

And sometimes Freddie!

CARLY:

What? Since when do we do this?

SAM:

You know…

CARLY:

Although Sam clearly is a dirty liar, I’ll just say-

CARLY AND SAM:

(SHOUTING)

We kiss nubs!!!

SAM:

So, for the point of this show-

CARLY:

We wanna see your suckish moves!

SAM:

All of you losers who watch us-!

CARLY:

Should send in your most stupid-

SAM:

Most drunken-

CARLY:

Moves that look like dancing.

[DURING THE DIALOGUE, THE GIRLS DO SEVERAL FORMS OF DANCE]

SAM:

Now enjoy-

CARLY:

Us spazzing-

SAM:

Like retards-

CARLY:

For you!

[THE DANCES STOP]

CARLY:

To win, you’ll have to bribe us pretty well!

SAM:

Yeah, watching you is bad enough!

CARLY:

So send in your money-

SAM:

Or I’ll-

CARLY:

That’s Sam-

SAM:

Tell your mom how bad she was!

CARLY:

Sam, did you really-?

SAM:

No!

[BOTH GIRLS JUMP OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CAMERA]

[CUE NEXT SCENE, WHERE SAM IS BREAKING A LOCKER WITH A HAMMER]

CARLY:

(OBSERVING, THINKING)

Aw, baby…

SAM:

Hey!

CARLY:

Hm?

SAM:

Stupid locker that will be introduced later in the series won’t open! Meh!

[CONTINUES HAMMERING LOCKER]

[FREDDIE ENTERS]

FREDDIE:

So, we got about 3,000 videos to watch! We’re gonna be rich!

CARLY:

Makes you ask what kindof people watch our show…

SAM:

Obviously four year olds, pedos-

(Sam! Stop implying bad things about your fans!)

[SAM RETURNS TO HAMMERING HER LOCKER, UNTIL GIBBY ENTERS]

GIBBY:

So you decide to ruin my locker as well? For shame…

SAM:

Oh sor-

GIBBY:

Season 3.

SAM:

(OPENS AND CLOSES HER LOCKER)

Meh, I’m leaving. K bye Gibby.

[THE ICARLY TRIO LEAVES, AS GIBBY’S LOCKER DOOR FALLS OFF]

[CUE SCENE WHERE ICARLY TRIO IS JUDGING VIDEOS FOR CONTEST]

CARLY:

Blows.

SAM:

Lame.

FREDDIE:

Blows.

SAM:

Time for me to point out you agreed with her.

FREDDIE:

And me to imply you’re jealous.

CARLY:

If I weren’t so tired, I’d hit you both.

SAM:

Time for the mandatory Creddie.

CARLY AND FREDDIE:

AUUUUUGH!

SAM:

For the rest of the night.

CARLY & FREDDIE:

AUUUUUGH!

[SPENCER ENTERS, NOTICING THEY’RE WATCHING VIDEOS]

SPENCER:

Hey, what’re you guys- oh look, total spazzes!

CARLY:

Enjoy, we’ll be watching dancing videos all night for iCarly.

SPENCER:

Can… I show you one? Hm?

CARLY, SAM, & FREDDIE:

(ONE AFTER THE OTHER)

Yeah, whatever.

SPENCER:

Shoosh yeah! I call it, “The Spazzinator”.

 [FLAILS ARMS AROUND]

CARLY:

Meh, 5.

SAM:

8.

FREDDIE:

5.

CARLY:

K, bye Spencer.

SPENCER:

But I just need- my helmet!

[RUNS OFF TO GET HELMET]

Hm, where did I… ooo, a hamburger from last week! I knew you didn’t eat it, Sam!

[CUT TO THE ICARLY TRIO, STILL WATCHING VIDEOS]

SAM:

And another dose of Creddie.

CARLY AND FREDDIE:

Auuuugh!

[CUT TO NEXT VIDEO, OF ATTRACTIVE GUY]

CARLY AND SAM:

Holy chiz, he’s hot!

FREDDIE:

I don’t like this hot boy who is obviously hot.

HOT BOY:

(WHO IS VOICED BY EDWARD CULLEN)

Hey, Carly and Sam, I’m gonna dance for you. Ya know, rate me.

[DANCES]

CARLY:

Gosh, he’s hot!

SAM:

Smokin’ hot!

FREDDIE: 

My character is obviously jealous of you two always lookin’ at dudes.

CARLY:

Then it’s questionable why you always hang out with girls.

CARLY:

Vote? I say a zillion!

SAM:

A zillion and three!

FREDDIE:

I’m going to sulk and pout cutely over there.

CARLY AND SAM:

Out the way, we’re watchin’ here!

[CUT TO SCENE WITH OBLIGATORY SHIP MOMENTS]

[SAM IS LEANING ON FREDDIE’S SHOULDER, UNTIL HE NUDGES HER OFF=SEDDIE]

[LATER, ON, SAM IS LAYING ON CARLY’S LAP, TURNING HER HEAD TO HER SLOWLY=CAM]

[THEN CARLY LAYING ON SAM’S LAP=X2 CAM]

[CUT TO SCENE WHERE THEY FALL ASLEEP AND DREAM WAKING UP IN SCHOOL]

CARLY:

I hate this next part!

FREDDIE:

I’m with ya.

SAM:

I’ll make sure peeps know it’s a dream sequence!

FREDDIE:

Yeah!

CARLY:

You do that, Sam.

[THE BELL RINGS AND STUDENTS CROWD THE TRIO, WHILE DANCING]

CARLY:

See?

Why the obligatory HSM reference?

FREDDIE:

I hated that movie!

SAM:

They’re all from Dingo!

[THEIR CLASSMATES GO ON WALKING AROUND LIKE NORMAL, AND SAM WAKES UP]

SAM:

No… not the… Dingo… Channel.

[FALLS BACK ASLEEP]

[CUE SAM’S DREAM OF BEING IN DETENTION]

MISS BRIGGS:

Quiet in here! I hate you all! So shut up, while I make your ears bleed!

SAM:

Time for my masochist line!

MISS BRIGGS:

And to assure I get full points on Bagpipe Goddess …

[PLUGS IN AMP]

SAM:

Oh hell no! I am not-

[WARDROBE CHANGES TO IRISH DANCER]

[SAM DANCES, AS IF FORCED]

SAM:

Stop! They can’t know- I dance- well… Makes me look like Britney- and not a bad (insert speaker feedback noise here)

What in Brigg’s name did I do to deserve this?

Don’t show off- my flexibility-

[HOLDS LEG UP, CARTWHEEL, AND A FULL SPLIT]

[TWO GUYS PICK HER UP, DRAGGING HER TO A CHAIR]

SAM:

Hey paws off, unattractables!

[GIBBY RUNS IN, ONLY WEARING HIS UNDERWEAR]

GIBBY:

Am I late for my sexy cameo?

SAM:

Gibby, run of they’ll turn you and make you dance!

[GIBBY SENSES DANGER, AND RUNS]

[CUE POV CHANGING TO FREDDIE, THINKING ABOUT CARLY AND SAM]

FREDDIE:

(THINKING)

Ah, Megan, I’ll prove my love for you- wait, why do I hear Sam’s voice to? Ah well…

[CUE FREDDIE’S DREAM, IN SCHOOL, WHERE CARLY IS REJECTING THE HOT GUY]

HOT GUY:

Blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah.

CARLY:

(BLOWS RASPBERRY IN HIS FACE)

HOT GUY:

Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah…?

CARLY:

Go away, I’m in love with Toplin kindof.

HOT GUY:

Blah blah, blah…

[FREDDIE ENTERS, CLEARING HIS THROAT]

FREDDIE:

You heard the girl, she’s with me.

HOT GUY:

(ADVANCING TOWARDS HIM)

Blah? Blah blah blah?

FREDDIE:

Haven’t you gotten this is the dancing episode?

[CUE FREDDIE TURNING HOT, AND PLAY THE GENERIC VERSION OF “BEAT IT” WHILE FREDDIE DANCES/BEATS UP THE HOT GUY]

[CUT TO FREDDIE WINNING CARLY OVER IN HIS DREAM, AND SMILES]

[CUE SHIFT OF POV TO CARLY]

CARLY:

Sam? Yep, I always call for Sam in my dreams-

[LOOKS AROUND, AND FINDS HOT GUYS ALL OVER THE APARTMENT]

Sam? No, hot guy….

Sam? Another hot guy…

So, I’m hoping you all just wanna dance, because I’m not that kinda girl…

[CARLY DANCES WITH THE HOT BOYS, UNTIL SHE HEARS SPENCER YELLING]

SPENCER:

Carly! I heard you moaning, is everything ok? Do I have to fight someone?

SAM:

Uh…

CARLY AND FREDDIE:

Noo…

SPENCER:

But I heard someone talking about Megan, and Sam, and Gibby…

SAM:

Not in front of Carly…

FREDDIE:

Ugh, I’m going home before my mommy calls the cops on Megan.

SAM:

Carly, I’ll make it up to you if ya let me stay over…

CARLY:

Yeah, yeah.

FREDDIE:

Night, crazies.

CARLY, SAM AND SPENCER:

Night, psycho…

CARLY:

(TO SPENCER)

Night helmet…

SAM:

It looks gayer than I’m implied to be…

(YAWNS)

SPENCER:

(THINKING)

Now time for me to really make the fan girls scream!

[CUE SPENCER’S DREAM, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CARLY’S, WITH HIM IN A DRESS, DANCING WITH HOT GUYS]

SPENCER:

WHAT-? NO!- I’m not!- Into dudes!

[CUE SPENCER WAKING UP]

Woah, dude…

'''So, episode 3 is up!!! Tell me whatcha think!!!'''

MellamoSammo! 18:14, June 2, 2011 (UTC)