User blog comment:NeveisCheese☼/Real life dramas???/@comment-2242989-20110225044014

Thank you for making this blog :) I agree we are all an iCarly family! :D Anyway, here's what's been happening... Well, you see, when I was little, about 2 years old, I had a speech disorder, where I couldn't talk and say things right, so I never really talked and I had speech problems, but I learned how to talk right and the disorder is gone now, but...from everything that's happening, I'm still shy, and I don't want to be shy, but I've always been that way ever since I got the speech disorder because I couldn't talk...I'm ok, I'm nice to people, and all of that chizz, but I get bullied because of being shy, where I get picked on in the halls by boys, them snickering and laughing at me because of me being shy, calling me names, saying offensive things to me and my friends. I would LOVE for them to stop picking on me, but that's not gonna work. This is reality. I hinted to my mom about this, and she told me to tell the parents or the principal, but I told her then they'll start picking on me and I'll get bullied even more. I just face it and try to ignore it, but it hurts so much, with being harassed everyday, but I try to pretend like it doesn't hurt me...I've been shy for a long time, and it affected me. People think I'm a freak and that I'm weird because I'm too quiet and hearing the same things everyday...it hurts....I try to make the best out of everything, even trying to be friendlier to people and I have been, but it's hard to break out of my shell, because then I'm put down...and I feel insecure, like I'm no good.And this year, I haven't been doing that great in school and I'm graduating from middle school this year. I have a big science project due on Monday, and regents for science (It's AP classes), it's a hard class and I struggle in that subject and now, I been struggling in math...I did okay with getting an 85, but I did bad on two of my tests...with one, I just failed and got a 64, and the other test, I got a 75...While I feel stupid because everyone else gets good grades...I get a lot of homework and it's too much stress. In the beginning of the year, I was up at 12:30 am, doing homework, while crying, but I wasn't the only one. 8th grade is just a big whirl wind with everything. The person who I thought was my best guy friend, turns out to be a jerk who never talks to me anymore, and he was the person who I once told everything to, and wasn't afraid of anything and he feels like a complete stranger, but...what hurts the most...is not receiving love from my grandfather. He feels like a stranger and he's never been there for me. He always made promises that he never kept and broke. I don't even consider him as my grandpa anymore...this might be a bit personal, but it's something I need to get out of my chest...before I was born, when my dad was a kid, his early teenage years, my grandfather cheated on my grandmother who he was married for at the time for almost 20 years, to some lady who was a gold digger and he's STILL with the lady and they're married. My grandfather is rich, but he never helps out my family, while we're a bit poor. The lady who's a gold digger, her name is Sharon and when grandpa got rich, that's all she was after-his money. My grandpa broke my grandma's heart and crushed my dad and my two uncles, and they never look up to him. My dad told me today, that grandpa crushed his dreams and hopes after he left, because he never done anything with his REAL family. He treated Sharon's family like they were his world, giving them everything they wanted, giving them jobs that pay well, and money, while he doesn't help us, doesn't spend time with my family, and in fact, hurt us all and put us through the most. I love my grandpa,because well...he's my grandpa, but I also consider him a traitor for what he done. He's all about the money, but never the family. All he does is sleep and work. That's his whole life. Ever since I was 8, I wanted grandpa to be a real grandpa to me, and be close to me like grandfathers are supposed to be. I always said, "Grandpa, when are you going to spend time with me?" He said, "I promise, Bianca, I'll take you to the movie you wanna see with me, this saturday!" I would be all happy and full of smiles, excited he's finally making up for all the mess he done, but he never did promise. He lied to me, and even to this day, I still wait for grandpa to be there, and spend time with me, but he never does, I cry of all the pain he put us through. My grandma was miserable and she no longer believes in true love. My dad is hurting on the inside. My dad works in the parking lot of my grandpa's resteraunt,and my grandpa makes my dad work outside, in the winter, with the freezing cold, his back is hurting, his feet and legs are hurting, it's hard for my dad to walk, but my grandpa makes my dad work. He doesn't care. He makes my dad work for the money, but he treats his fake daughter and son like they're everything. My dad receives money from tips and he barely makes any money and my grandpa gives my dad only $20. He pays Sharon's children, about $400 each, plus the money they make from the job. My family is hurting, but it's worse, knowing that I don't have my grandpa to love me, to care for me, and always be there for me. Instead, he made me cry out tears that been all my life because of him. My dad also said today: "See in this photo *points to me, my younger brother, my dad, my mom, and my grandma.* That's your REAL family. Grandpa's not a part of that." I know that part, but it still hurts, not having him there. NOW he wants to make up for everything, telling me to come over, but when I do, he's either sleeping or always working and when he's up, he's grumpy. Sharon told me all lies how she "didn't know my grandma and grandpa were together" and that she was a "single mom." She tries to kiss up to me, and tries to be a grandmother, but she can't. The only reason that I now go to grandpa's house is because even though Sharon is a gold digger, I still love her grand children with all of my heart: Bella, Laci, and Sophia. They love me and I love them. I remember, i was playing the piano, and they just came and told me to play, "a Hannah Montana song, pwease!" I don't like Hannah Montana, but I played it. Soon enough, they were trying to play it, happy, and smiling and laughing and so was I. I played with them that day, with their toys, playing house, running around with them. I felt like a little kid again, and when Bella had to go home, she started breaking down crying saying, "I wanna stay with Bianca, mommy! Don't make me leave!" She was crying so hard, and I stayed with her and she was happy and Bella, Laci, and Sophia, they all gave me a big hug. They're all little with Bella being 6, Laci, 5, and Sophia, 3. That's why i go to my grandpa's house. I used to go for the wrong reasons. There's more to write, but what I wrote right now, is what's hurting me. I hope everything gets better :/