Talk:Seddie/@comment-5761137-20130802052221

Guys. I really need to share with you something important. I need you to take it seriously, and I need you to help me. This story I'm about to tell... It's all true. I left some parts out, because it's super personal, but I need to share my story... It took me an insane amount of courage to post this, and I really hope you don't ignore it, because it's 1:15 in the morning and I worked really hard on it. Ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes.

After this, I don't really want to talk about it again. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Before I loose my nerve...

-

Sometimes I feel like I'm suppose to die. Like I'm supposed to be dead.

But then I think that makes no sense. Otherwise I would've died a long time ago.

I'm here for a reason... I just don't know what it is yet.

-

When i was a baby, I suddenly stopped breathing.

Seconds before I was going to die.. I cried.

The ambulance paramedics shrugged.

"A crying baby is a breathing baby."

-

When I turned one years old I had an allergic reaction to my birthday cake.

No raw eggs. No peanuts. Weird. I know.

I survived.

- Four was a big year.

When I was four, I was enrolled into preschool.

We had swimming lessons on Thursdays.

I never wanted to learn how to swim. I liked the water, sure, but I couldn't stand having water in my face.

My teacher got tired of me.

"Jump. I'll catch you. " she said.

I never jumped.

I was pushed...

And nobody caught me.

I almost drowned that day.

That preschool was also the place I made two best friends.

One would forever be my best friend.

And the other would betray me.

Four was a bad year.

I had my first official asthma attack.

But I survived.

And now I know why.

One stormy night, I gave my life to The Lord.

I'm not sure exactly what I said.

But I know I did.

As a kid, I was told I was different, weird... Only because I did things differently from others.

In grade 1, my teacher told my mom to get me tested.

I was diagnosed dyslexic.

Me? Dyslexic? No. I wasn't.

They misdiagnosed me.

I was perfectly normal.

- I'm left handed. Took me forever to cut with a knife properly. Not easy being taught how to do something the mirror image of how I'm actually suppose to do it.

-

I had a lot of friends. They knew I was weird. But they liked me. So I liked them. - When I was in grade 4, one of my friends accidentally cartwheeled right into my head.

Took multiple visits to the ER for months.

And voila! Migraines were born!

-

10 years old. Probably the worst year of my life.

In grade five. One of my "best friends" told me I was ugly. Repulsive. Stupid. Useless.

"I'm going to give you a black eye" she threatened.

She kept her promise.

I cried. I told teachers. But nobody helped me.

My mother just hugged me and told me

"God Loves you and so do I"

My French teacher was racist.

She segregated the kids into groups.

"Whites" "Blacks" "Misfits"

Doesn't help that my mom's black and dad's white.

Guess where I was put?

"Misfits"

She would yell at me for winning a story telling competition in English, and not French.

We studied a story about a young girl being raped and beaten to death in her class.

Then we had to memorize the whole story and copy it down as a test.

I still have nightmares that the little girl in the story is me. -

In grade seven, I somehow turned into a extremely smart girl. I don't know how.

95% 90% I even got a 99% on a report card.

I might've been the smallest, and youngest girl there... But I was strong.

I made friends.

One girl, Muslim, was crying because kids laughed at her when she left to pray.

I was the only one who wouldn't laugh at her. I don't believe in what she believes, but that doesn't mean bullying her is right.

Soon... She just stopped. Stopped praying. She lost faith.

It was so sad.

She became my best friend that year. She changed though. I could tell.

I still miss that girl I met crying.

My second best friend that year came from another province.

She was nice.

-

Grade 8....

Horrible. Just horrible.

This is where it gets serious.

At that age I was only 60 pounds.

Underweight... But healthy.

It wasn't intentional. I was just naturally skinny.

After mid term exams, I started to stress... I got migraines more frequently I missed school a lot.

Soon I kept throwing up.

Dehydration...

But it kept coming back.

Huge head aches and throwing up.

I eventually got better.

It took a month, but by then... I couldn't go back to school! I was too scared. There's no way I could've kept my grades up high a month behind...

So I made myself sick.

It started to become a habit.

I would push my finger down my throat until I threw up. Every morning.

My mom never caught me.

I just kept on getting sick.

One day... I realized what I was doing.

"This is ridiculous!" I thought, "You're killing yourself!"

So... I stopped.

I "turned a corner" doctors said...

But I knew the truth. No one knew except me... And now you.

One day, at a friend of my sisters house, I walked into a bathroom and suddenly my vision blurred.

My tanned skin went extremely pale and I was dizzy.

My lips were white.

I cried for help.

When I got home, it went away...

But my dad said "no way"

"She has to go to the hospital."

I begged not to go.

I don't remember much of that night.

I do know that I was delirious. I screamed horrible things at my mother and I had to have security guards hold me still in the bed.

I threw up. For real that time. And I couldn't stop either.

"Stomach migraines" doctor said.

My mom, ( a nurse) shook her head.

"There's a such thing?"

"Not really... It's new."

...very encouraging.

-

I'm about to go to grade 10.

My birthday is in a few weeks.

I'm 96 pounds.

I'm an actress.

I'm a writer.

I'm moving houses.

I'm a believer.

I'm a seddie shipper.

Tonight, I heard a song I haven't heard in a long time.

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.

It made me cry. It made me realize just how messed up I was. How much I changed for the better.

But, I know God loves me, and so does my friends, my family, but most importantly...

Tonight, my friends... I apologized to myself.

I learned to love me. <3