Talk:Seddie/@comment-3548590-20110603170508

I'M SO CONFUSED! And I think I'm going crazy too. Okay. So, there's this guy. He my childhood. . . friend-ish. No, not really. I tell him EVERYTHING there is to know about me BUT we argue and bicker worse than an old married couple. :)) You see, I used to HATE HIM WITH A BURNING PASSION. I mean, who wouldn't hate their bully? And he hated me because well, I was fat. Not just chubby but DARN fat. And, he was Mr. Popular so yeah, he hated my guts. You say, "Ahh. Typical." Right? HAHA. Okay. Then I went to Canada for two years but I eventually came back. I got wayy thinner. But I came back a tomboy-ish girl. I mean, skirts gross me out. I only wear black or gray dresses, make-up makes me feel disgusting. . . get my drift? Say right. Right? Okay. So, what's the problem? Eh, we'll get there. So, when I came back, HE talked to me, apologized, blahblahblah. Honestly, I forgave him long ago but screaming at each other highlights my day. It's always been like that, ya know? So, why change it? Even our greetings are rude. They're like, "Hey, Buttcrack" or "Watsup, Piglet?" HAHA. Plus, he's such a player. Players are the worst kind of pigs, in my opinion. Anyway, so here's the problem. I live in Philippines and it's June here. That's when school starts. A friend of mine dared, no challenged, me to wear skirts and all for the rest of summer. I wouldn't be me if I denied myself a given challenge now, would I? So, I accepted. 3 days later, I find myself in the mall wearing denim mini skirt, colorful striped razerback, curled hair and make-up. Apparently, it was my 'new look intro'. And that was when HE saw me. I seriously thought he was gonna laugh at my look 'cause darnit, even I thought I looked stupid. But he surprised me. He stared at me weirdly then literally TRIPPED. Being my angelic self, I laughed. Not just a "HAHA" laugh but a "HAHAHAHAHAHA IN YOU FACE" kinda laugh. He just stared at me with that weird look. Kinda like regret and sadness? Yeah, I dunno. Anyway, all I know is that it PISSED ME OFF. I mean, he never looked at me that way, so why did he start now? And I didn't even get why. So, yeah. I was pissed. But I couldn't show it because I was introduced to this gorgeous guy. He asked me out on a date 2 days after. So, for 2 weeks, whenever HE looked at me, HE gives me that weird 'longing' look. I simply ignore him because if I don't I know we'll just start a huge fight. Then I went to his house 'cause I wanted to talk to him about how the guy I dated decided it'd be better that we break up and he looked. . . HAPPY. I. WAS. LIVID. I mean, I tell him that the guy I really like just wanted to break up with me hoping for some kind of sympathy and he looks HAPPY?! Yeah, I was really pissed. So, I screamed at him and screamed at him and screamed at him and. . . he kissed me. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I was so shocked that I didn't even think about kissing him back. When he let go of my face, I ran. I just ran. I didn't know what else to do.And, we haven't spoken since. About 4 or 5 days later, the friend who dared me came to my house. She wanted to talk to me about HIM. Apparently, long long ago, back when he bullied me, he liked. He thought I was unapproachable and the only way to get my attention was to fight with me. So, that he did. And he found it 'annoyingly cute' the way I turn red from anger and the way my voice shakes when I argue with him. He was just surprised that someone like me would talk back to someone like him. Then when I left, he realized he liked me more than he thought he did. That's when he turned not only Mr. Popular but a player too. Then I came back still being rough and aggressive as before. He already forced himself not to like me once so he convinced himself he could do it again. So, we fought, argued, and bickered. After she left, I WAS SO, SO VERY CONFUSED. I really don't know what to do. I'm about 99.9% sure I'm going crazy. :| I mean, I just got out of a relationship. That alone does not make me seem ready for a relationship. And if I do enter a relationship with HIM and it doesn't work, what will happen to our. . . whatever?? I don't wanna lose it. I really like how we are. He is one of my special. . . friends right now. I've always been able to lean on him, ya know? BUT. I also do wanna try it with him. I admit. He really isn't that hard to like. I mean, he's a really. . . sweet guy not to mention he's freakin' gorgeous. So, what do I do? I know this isn't SEDDIE related but I just needed tips. If you could so kindly comment, I'd really appreciate the help. THANKS. Gaaaah. I'm really going to go crazy soon. :))